Flightless Bird (Supernatural Fanfiction)
by AwakeAtRidiculousAM
Summary: I can only remember his face. His smiling face and cheeky laugh. His gentle hands and selflessness. His lips on mine. It's the only thing that keeps me grounded while I lay here. Broken. Battered. Burned. Whipped. I cannot possibly think of anything else when they go to work with what they do best...I am Tortured. Bleeding. Crying. Scared. Shattered. Lost. I am flightless.
1. Prologue

"Make me believe that Scar!" He yells so loud and angry that it made my stomach churn with uneasiness. "I'm trying to do something...bigger then the both of us."

"You're going to kill yourself you fool!" I begin to cry. "No, Worse...You'll be tortured."

"It's all I have left! I threw my life away! You were gone...Dean was gone...I was on my own, I made a big mistake." He trails off.

"Is that what this is? You're doing this because you feel guilty about the demon blood?" I ask him, disgusted. He looks away from me. My eyes burn with tears that threaten to spill. "Sammy, Nobody blames you." I whisper while blinking the salty water away vigorously.

"I blame me." He says. "I'm the only one who can make things right, with the 66 seals broken and myself breaking the last...I cannot eat. And sleep is out of the question."

"You can't do this to me." My will alone is not enough to stop the tears from making a watery path on my cheek, rolling until it gets to my chin and from there drips off onto the concrete floor. He says nothing and instead catches a tear.

"I'm sorry Scar." He says, his own eyes glassy. "But we have already decided."

"_We_?" I ask him, even more upset.

"Yes, We." I hear Dean from behind me. I turn and when my eyes catch himself, Bobby and Castiel my feelings turn from sorrow to anger in a micro second.

"You're letting him do this? You're letting him throw himself into the cage with Lucifer and Michael!? Why did nobody think to ask for my opinion? Or does it not matter!?" I yell, storming towards him. He was no doubt scared as he backed away from me quickly. "Sam isn't Lucifer's only vessel! He can't be, what if I were to-"

"No Scarlett." Dean cuts me off. "I won't let you fight this battle."

"Are you joking me?" I snarl. "What happened to protecting your family? Why are you letting him do this?" Dean and I are face to face.

"We don't have a choice!" He yells, my bones chill but I don't back down.

"There has to be another way." I respond. "There _is_ another way."

"You think if there weren't any more options we wouldn't have already went there?" Bobby asks me. My mouth opened but my mind was blocked. I couldn't choke out words. I just stood in front of him, tears coming on more now then ever.

"I won't let him say yes." I finally break the deafening silence and march past Dean, Bobby and Castiel.

"Scar, wait!" Sam calls after me, grabbing my shoulder. I spin, slapping his hand away, my cold glare meets his sorrow filled eyes.

"Don't touch me." I snap. Sam backs away, hesitantly. I spin again and march out of Bobby's garage and into the pouring rain. I cuddle my arms as I run to my pick up, opening and slamming the door. I start the engine and as fast as the truck would go, drive away from my family.

I sobbed heavily as I drove and soon, the tears were coming so quickly I couldn't see. I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand and realized I shouldn't be going 130 on a 90 speed limit. I try to slow myself down and make a right turn when I realized I have hydroplaned. I was sliding uncontrollably on the wet surface of the road. The car flipped.

Twice, Three times...Six times before finally it stopped on the roof. The seat belt was the only thing that saved me.

"Castiel," I whimpered. "Please...If you hear me...I need your help." He was not to my aid. I cried heavier knowing now I definitely had no chance of stopping Sam.

Out of nowhere, footsteps drew closer to the car. A man's. I saw his shoes and not recognizing them, I began to panic considering it was the only thing I could think to do. I reached for my phone just to be electrcuted by the water damage. I whimpered again as the pair of legs continuously got closer. I reached for the glove compartment and all the contents spilled out. Drunkenly, I reached for my gun and shot at the man. It hit his leg which was good considering I was upside down...Yet he didn't react. He stopped, only for a second before continuing closer. I jumped and fired again but none of the shots slowed him down...I was now out of bullets and all my weapons were in the back, probably thrown out after the six times I rolled.

Out of the nowhere the car flipped up right. My head hit the window with the sudden change but I hastily unbuckled my seat belt and flung open the door, falling outside the car. I crawled, trying to get away from the man but it was no use. I was grabbed by the collar when I truly began to panic.

"Scarlett, stop." Castiel. I turn and his face was filled with concern.

"Castiel, I-I'm sorry, I-"

"No matter, you're coming back with me to Bobby's. Everyone's worried." He told me. I pulled against the grip he now had on my arm.

"No, Castiel, I can't go back there."

"You have been gone for 6 hours." He told me. I knew that, I had planned on driving until I ran out of gas. I was almost out too, at least until the car decided to make a detour. "Sam is worried sick. Him and Dean were looking for you until I heard you pray to me."

"I can't face Sam, Castiel. Not after I know what you had all been planning behind my back." I tell him, looking away. He lifted my arm around his neck and swooped me up into his arms, carrying my resistant body towards a car parked around a 3 minute walk away. "Castiel, please, put me down." I begged him. "Don't let me face them. I _can't_ face them." I was to tired to fight him and he was to strong.

"Can't or won't?" He asks me, looking directly at me as the ran poured down on us. I was getting dizzy now, the car accident was taking its toll.

"Scar!"

"Scarlett!"

Sam and Dean. I managed to get out of Castiel's arms and stood on my own two legs as the two of them ran towards me. I could barely walk by the time they were pulling me into an embrace. I hugged into them both as tightly as I could, no tears were left to cry. I could only stand in the middle of the pouring rain, the boys holding my fragile and broken body.


	2. Malevolence (1)

Curled into a corner of the cell filled to the brim with my own blood, I hear the door squeak open. I huddle my knees even closer to my chest while awaiting the torture. The breathing was heavy and the steps were loud as they inched closer. I could calm myself for the time being, but it would only take the voice to throw me into deeper flames and watch me panic.

"Scarlett?" It was no doubt, Sam's voice. I sighed, my breathing hitching. "Is that you?" I whip around, showing 'Sam' my hideous face, scared, bruised, burned. I was alike a demon.

"What? Here to rub it in some more? You got me! OK? And I'm not an idiot, I know better then to think Sam would actually, after all these years, come to my rescue. I get that they aren't coming back!" I scream so loud that it scared myself. "Just stop," My outbreak took it's toll on my physical and mental state. My voice quivers and I struggle to continue on. "Just stop the charade and get to the torture already. I can't take this much longer."

Everyday was the same. I was greeted by a Sam, or Dean, or Castiel, or Bobby, or Dad. And everyday they would torture me, in the bodies of the ones I held closest...I hated it with almost all my heart...but it seemed the other half was just happy to see them. Whoever dangled Sam's reflection was by far the worst. It tore me down, brick by brick...Now I knew I was no more then rubbish. I was far from being ever being rebuilt.

"Scar, I'm not going to hurt you." I laughed hysterically as tears rolled down my cheeks. Or maybe I was crying. I couldn't think straight. Not with those eyes staring deep into my soul.

"You really take this seriously don't you." I say, between laughs and cries. Which I wasn't quite sure. "'Scar I'm not going to hurt you!'" I mimic agitated. "How many times have I heard that one? You aren't going to get the same reaction you got hundreds of years ago." I snap at him. He puts a far-to-gentle-to-be-a-demon hand on my shoulder. I didn't have enough strength to smack away his hand. Instead, I close my eyes. "Just get on with it."

I didn't feel the crack of the whip. Or a knife. Or fire, burning my flesh. There wasn't a thing painful that came my way in those moments. I didn't want to open my eyes, in fear of what I would see facing me...but I did.

"Scarlett, It's really me, Sam." He says. I roll my eyes. "It is! Scar come on, get to your feet! I have to get you out of here."

"This is just starting to get sick now." I say, wiping my face. He still looks down upon me with those eyes that make me want to jump into his arms, demon or not. "Burn me, reopen a wound, just stop staring at me like that!" I yell. "Stop staring at me like you're Sam! You aren't!" Before I can fight further I'm swooped up into familiar arms. Strong, warm arms that haven't held me in 400 years or more. "Put me down!" I yell despite the comforting feeling.

"Scar," He says finally, walking me outside the cage...it was the first time I had ever stepped outside my cell. "It really is me." He whispers. "I promise, I will never let anyone hurt you. Not ever again."

It really was him. With my head resting against his chest I could hear his heart beat and feel the rise and fall of his chest as he breathed so heavily. His arms encased me in a sense of security and a wall was being built...my sanity.

"Sam! Hurry!" It was Dean's voice. Sam held me tighter. "Sam we can't find her, we have to get out!" He calls again. Sam began to run down the halls, past the cells holding tragic victims. He held me tighter with every steps and in a moment...

White.

Everything was pure white.

Not for long...for as soon as the whiteness was there, it was gone. I was on the ground as voices ricochet in my head. I open my eyes and still, could not see...but the blur was gone now, and Sam was looking down on me, holding my hand tightly.

"Scar," He smiles hugging into me and I swear he almost broke into sobs. I could only moan in pain. He lets go of me and it is revealed that I am not in fact on the ground. I'm lying on a motel bed. I sit and dizziness overtakes me, but I quickly steady myself. Sam, Dean and Castiel were all around me.

"Thank god," Dean says hugging me just as tightly as Sam. "Thank the Lord that is not there!" He says as he lets go of me, looking at me in the eye. I smile as much as I could, but it only came into a light half smile. Castiel walks towards me now.

"Would you like me to take care of your wounds?" He asks me. Past him, I see my reflection in a mirror...it scared me. Without a word, I walked by him and stood promptly in front of the mirror. I was not the same...I was bruised all over. Hand prints were bruised around my neck, blue and purple. My lips were split open, blood and scratches covered me. Looking closer, I saw an imprint of something below my eye. It was burned and just thinking about it made it ache more.

My eyes were not the same green they once were. They were dark brown or even black. I couldn't tell. My world was cascading and crumbling again. I couldn't make out truth from fiction. Behind me, the boys eyes were black...that of a demon. I jumped and looked at myself again. More blood seemed to seek from my wounds, around me, the room had caught fire and it was seeking up me like snakes. With every inch closer my body burned more.

"Scarlett," I jump at the voice and the sudden hand on my back...but it brought me out of the terror...it brought me home. I looked at Sam for a moment before turning to Castiel.

"Fix me." I say to him. "Take the wounds away. As long as they are here so is my hell." I tell him flatly. He nods, stepping forward and pressing two fingers to my forehead. Instantly cold took over my body. I tensed but only for a moment before turning to face myself again.

The mirror showed a shocking revelation. My hair was now smooth, flowing past my elbows like how it had first been. The red was my natural color and not in fact the blood from my head wounds. My face was clean of any mark and my skin was flawless. The only thing that hadn't changed were the color of my eyes. A deep brown or light black. I still could not tell.

"Scarlett," Dean asked me. I looked at him threw the reflection of the mirror before turning to face him.

"I'm fine." I smiled as big and real as I could.

"Scarlett, I know how it feels to be this way," Dean recollects. I knew that he knew as well. "Telling everyone you're fine isn't the way to go. You have to be honest with us."

"I am being honest. I'm perfectly fine."

But I wasn't perfectly fine. I was as far away from that as it got.

"Sam...What happened?" I ask him as gently as I could. He smiles slightly.

"I thought you would be curious." He smiles. "I basically got out the day I jumped in...it was just my soul that got trapped down there. We got it back about a year later and they put up a wall so I wouldn't remember anything...then Cas broke the wall and after saw how bad I became felt bad so he took all my memories of being in the cage."

"You didn't have the best go either then I suppose." I say, staring at my palms. A hand on my knee makes me jump and look at Sam with wild eyes. He moves his hand away quickly and I sigh deeply. "I'm sorry." I whisper.

"It's OK." He says. "Really, I understand." I swing my legs off the bed and walk around the motel room, working my weak legs out and keeping my face out of sight of Sam in fear stray tears will trickle down my face. "Scar?"

"What took you so long?" I ask him, my eyes barely strong enough to control the water trying to break threw. "I didn't think you would ever come." I say to him. His face saddens but before he came to struggle words, the door swings open.

"OK! Your pick up is in the drive way, Newly refurbished if I may add." Dean walks in, dangling my car keys. This was the perfect time to ask them. "What's going on?" He takes the hint of both our facial expressions and questions begin to arise.

"I need to ask you both, since you're here too Dean." I start. "What took you so long? What was it? A girl?"

"No-Well," I turn to Sam whose look of guilt shuts me down. I lean against the drawer as if catching myself.

"It was, wasn't it?" I ask, hurt evident in my voice. His expression says enough. I regain my strength and walk towards Dean. "Keys." I demand, my hand out stretched.

"No." He tells me. "Not until we talk things threw."

"What's there to talk threw?! Just give me my keys!" I yell annoyed and upset. A tsunami of emotions were washing me down.

"No Scarlett." Before I could control myself I had Dean's twisted in such a way that his hand immediately dropped the keys and he was on his knees. I let go of him, taking up the keys and storming out, slamming the door behind me.

"Oh god." I whisper, my heart was turning to ash. I hadn't pulled out of the motel parking lot, I just rested my head on the steering wheel. I couldn't bare the thought of while being tortured, Sam was making love with another girl...I wanted to throw up but there wasn't anything in my stomach to throw up.

Suddenly, the passenger side door opened and Dean sat inside the truck. I didn't look at him, just continued staring out the window.

"What Dean?" I ask. "What could you possibly tell me that would make any of this better?"

"We didn't know you were alive." He tells me. I look at him straight faced. "We thought you were dead Scar,"

Threw the motel window, Sam was sitting to a desk, staring at his phone. I watched him with sad eyes but still did not feel any better.

"It seems that every time I leave, he gets someone else." I say, remembering Ruby and how she had betrayed him. How she had tore both of us apart..."So was it another demon?" I ask Dean.

"Scarl-"

"Or maybe it was an Angel this time." I say and look away, staring longingly out the window.

"Don't do this to him. He thought you were dead. The moment we found out you were alive he got his shit together and the three of us went into hell ourselves to get you." Dean says. "We're sorry Scarlett. When we found out, we didn't know what to do with ourselves. He was so happy, yet worried...about your mental state."

"Well, like I said, I'm perfectly fine."

"Oh of course, right. I didn't realize jumping at a hand on your knee was registered as perfectly fine. And nearly breaking my arm? Thanks for that." He responds. I look at him, apologetically.

"Every time the demon decided to dress to look like you, I wanted you to snap out of it. I really believed it was you." I tell him. "But every time it was Alastair and..." My voice caught, I couldn't struggle out more words.

"I thought that son of a bitch was dead!" He says looking at me.

"Well, he isn't." I say, looking at him exhausted. "He said you were his student." I tell him. Dean's eyes seemed to get angrier and angrier with the second and when he heard that, full on rage. Before he could release any of it though, he took a deep breath and slowly calmed himself.

"He is going to pay, they are going to pay." Dean tells me. "Starting with Crowley."

I curled myself into pounds of blankets, the softness alike a drug. I breathed in the fresh scent of linen, blood and death free. I closed my eyes and let out a pleasing moan.

"I don't think my insomnia will bother tonight." I murmured and heard Sam chuckle. He was sitting on the bed opposite of mine, smiling at me. I tried to return the smile as best I could, I owed him that...or at least it felt like I did, after my earlier episode.

"The tea did the trick I'm sure." Sam smiles as he hesitantly creeps closer. He sits down on the floor beside my bed. "Or it may be the fact that you're safe now."

"Might be," I say as we both reflected the same 'OK' look on our face. "Goodnight Sam." I say, cuddling deeper into blankets.

"Goodnight Scarlett." He responds, gently pushing locks of hair out of my face. His hand reaches for the lamp rested on the night table but I grab the end of his shirt.

"Can you...uhm,"

"I can leave the light on, no problem." He tells me sincerely, pulling the sheets back of his own bed and crawling in. He looks at me, his smile was slowly fading into a look of regret. "I cannot believe I was such an idiot to not look into your death, to find clues." He scolds himself. "I'm so sorry Scar,"

"I know." I say simply, staring at him. "We'll talk more in the morning."

"Of course." He replies as I turn over, staring at the wall for only a minute before my eyes closing, taking me away into a land of dreams.


	3. Out of the Frying Pan, into the Fire (2)

I awoke with a fright, sitting up straight as a board. My eyes scanned the room quickly only finding two things out of place.

1) The light was off.

2) Sam was gone.

I carefully moved my hand threw the darkness (with the fear of being grabbed) and pulled the lamp cord, light poured threw the dark and damp motel room. I looked around frantically hoping he just went to the washroom or went outside for some air...but I could sense that something was wrong. I threw the covers walking hesitantly to the door to look outside. I opened it and with no sign of Sam I crept to Dean's motel room that he was sharing with Castiel. I hid my gun under my sweater jacket as my arms folded. I peered threw the window and saw nothing. Confused, I go to the door and open it slowly and inched in, closing the door behind me. Fortunately for the weird room designs, nobody could see me in the porch. I could hear Dean's loud and rowdy voice as I moved around the corner and into sight. Bad move.

"I'm going to have to cut you off right there so I can address an old friend. Hello Scarlett."

I couldn't move, I was paralyzed. My eyes began to water and my whole body ached as the metallic taste of blood writhed into my mouth. This couldn't actually be happening. He couldn't have found me already.

"What's wrong? Cat got your tongue or are you not pleased to see the King of Hell?"

Arms around me squeezed me tightly, but before I could fight them Sam's voice trickled into my ear.

"Scar, it's OK." He tells me. "He can't hurt you." His voice was reassuring but not good enough. It wasn't enough to make me stop shaking. To stop hurting. To stop painful memories as they invaded my mind.

"Don't tell her lies, moose." Crowley tells Sam and the motel floor breaks and with that, so does the seal. My eyes widen as I watch Dean react by pulling an angel blade out. "See? I could kill all of you, well, except you Scarlett. You would go back to Alastair." My breathing hitches and I was shaking violently against Sam's strong hold.

"Crowley!" Dean yells, making him turn to face him. "Why isn't Alastair dead?!"

"Well why isn't she dead? Because I brought them back to life!" He tells Dean. I was confused now on top of everything. He brought me back to life? When did I die? I watch Castiel in the corner of the room move around Crowley.

"Why?" Castiel asks him, staring him down suspiciously.

"Because I wanted to have some fun with Sam and Dean and I knew they wouldn't engage unless they had a reason to, hence torturing this one. Although I must say I did very much enjoy her company." He says as he looks back to me. My eyes blur as I tremor again.

"How? You shouldn't have that type of power." Castiel questions him again, circling the room.

"I was harvesting an angel." Crowley says and before either of them can say anything he speaks again. "And yes it was Alfie if that's what you're thinking. I had the perfect puppet before you stole him and killed him!" He starts off calm but end in yells so strong and angry I shudder and hold onto Sam's arm that was wrapped tight around me. I was disconcerted and petrified. I was just saved, it was the longest I had gone without constant torture and now I'm being brought back into it all.

"That's why you tortured me?" I whispered weakly as I faced him. He turned to meet me and his eyes were piercing as they stared me down.

"Well, that was part of it. Another small part was I liked hearing your screams echo threw the torture chambers."

I couldn't react to keep up with Dean who had thrown the angel blade and hit Crowley in the back of shoulder. Everything seemed to be in slow motion. I watched Crowley hold his shoulder before ripping the angel blade and threatening to stab Castiel. Instinct finally kicked and I remembered I wasn't being restrained. There's 1 of him and 4 of us. I jump, pulling the gun from my pocket and removing a bullet.

"Sam, your knife!" I yell. He pulls a blade from his sock and as quickly as I can, I etch a devils trap into the bullet. I load it back in just as Dean and Castiel are being fought off with no signs fighting back. "Crowley!" I yell, catching his attention. From the ground, Dean watches with eyes that told me not to do it.

"Oh, that's cute." he smirks as he walks towards me, the gun in my hand pointed directly at him. "You really think that will make a dent?" He wonders as my hand tremors.

"We'll have to see." I respond, swallowing my fear and readjusting my hand, aiming more precisely.

"Please, you can't stop shaking long enough to pull the trigger." He responds as he inches closer. I do. It hit's him in the forehead but he barely reacts as he puts his finger to the wound and looks at the blood that's now dripping off his finger. "Ouch." He says, sarcastically as he tries to get closer. He can't move. Relief washes over me. He tries again but still, nothing. "What in bloody hell is going on?"

"Devil's trap engraved on a bullet." Sam says proudly as he puts an arm on my shoulder.

"You did the same thing to that Witch Abaddon!" He yells, struggling. Dean was now getting to the ground, wiping blood from under his eye.

"Get her out of here Sam," Dean tells Sam. My heart was pounding, more questions circulating in my mind as Sam lowers my hands which were frozen, my aim still on Crowley. I feared he would move and I wouldn't be quick enough. This might all be a charade, he's capable of wicked things.

"Scar," Sam whispers, his voice concerned. "I've got you." He tells me, taking the gun and laying it on the bed side table in Dean's room as he leads me outside. Cold air blows my thick, wavy red hair behind me and it stings my throat as I breath in. His warm hand on my back was more then reassuring though. I felt even the slightest security in his arms.

"I need answers." I tell him quickly, looking at him. "I need to understand." His eyes were worn and looked as though he's never seen happiness. He bit his lip, dipping his head once. "Sam, don't hold back. I can handle it."

"The thing is, I don't know if you can." He tells me. He opens the door and I step inside as he flicks on the main light. I watch him walk to his bed, sitting down and patting the space beside him. I walk over, numbly. "Can we pretend, just for a little while, that everything is OK?" He asks, looking at me sadly. I crawl up next to him, curling up in his arms as he wraps the comforter around us. His able bodied arms pull me tighter into him. I rest my head on his chest, his heart beat was my reassurance that helped sleep pull me out of nightmares and into dreams. If nightmarish thoughts somehow writhed into my mind, Sam's chest, rising and dropping, would bring me home.

I jumped at the sound of the unlocking door and tore from Sam's arms. He awoke with a fright, looking at me tiredly. He smoothed my lower back gently, trying to calm me.

"Hey, it's OK." He tells me sleepily. "Can we just go back to sleep?" He rid himself of that thought as the door creaked open slowly. He sat up as well, taking a gun from the nightstand drawer and aiming it at the door. To our surprise, it was just Dean. Sam lowers the gun, sighing relieved. Dean hadn't even noticed as he walked past our beds and laid a bag of grease on the motel table.

"I don't even know why you two get a room with two beds, you only ever use one." He remarks, sitting to the table and unpacking our breakfast. Sam mutters something under his breath that sounded a bit like 'Same goes for you and Cas' but I couldn't be sure.

I waited a moment, scanning the room before throwing the covers off me and making my way, slowly and hesitantly to the table. He had my favorites laid out. Banana pancakes with peanut butter to the side and orange juice. He was looking at for approval as I studied the food laid out before me. I simply smiled warmly.

"Thank you," I said, barely above a whisper while I took a seat. I took up the plastic fork and used the side to cut a piece of pancake off and I put it slowly in my mouth, savouring the seemingly ever lasting taste.

Barely pausing to breath I scarfed down the 3 pancakes in less than 5 minutes. As I sipped from my orange juice I caught Sam and Dean staring at me.

"Don't scrutinize me I haven't had this in years." I tell them, swallowing more orange juice. They both smile as they eat their own breakfast. Sam had 2 plain bagels with cream cheese and coffee. Dean had pancakes and a cup half filled with brandy. "I mean, brandy first thing in the morning is a little more questionable then eating pancakes quickly." I say, Sam smiles as he finishes off his own breakfast. Dean didn't look impressed as he looked to Sam annoyed then back to me.

"Shuddup," He says, chugging down the brandy and standing. "you done with that or do you want to eat the plate too?" We glare at each other before busting into small smiles. In some weird way it was like old times. It was like hunting with the boys again, waking in a dirty motel room and eating diner breakfast. It was the same teasing Dean and the same serious Sam, more or less.

"So," I begin while watching the boys throw away scraps from breakfast. I was unsure of how to continue. "um," They both cast their attention on me as I chew on the straw for my orange juice . "did I die?" They look at each other briefly before turning back to me. "I just, last night, and-"

"I understand," Dean sighs, sitting down and pouring up another glass of brandy. "but you aren't going to like it."

"Well, I can't imagine it being that bad, honestly." I say as Sam sits down beside me. "So when did I die? How did I die?" The questions were spilling from my mouth as Sam uncomfortably adjusted himself in the chair. "Who killed me?" Dean takes another swig from his cup and looks at me deeply, about ready to talk when he stops.

"Would you like me to show you?" I jump at the unfamiliar voice and stand, looking to the doorway. Castiel stands and walks towards me. I back up and hit the table, grabbing it, I steady myself. I didn't have time to object as he came face to face with me, pressing his fingers to my forehead and I was overwhelmed with white light and cold.

The change of scenery confused me as I looked around, not being able to make out where I am. I was alone and it looked as though I were in the middle of a ghost town. Abandoned and rotting houses and shops surrounded me. I wanted so desperately to find Castiel or Sam or Dean, but they were no where in sight.

"Castiel?" I ask, starting to walk around, inspecting the houses. Suddenly, from down the road, I hear the impala.

Relieved, I started towards the sound of the engine, finding myself on the outskirts of town in a dead grassy field. Sam and Dean got out of the impala, closing the doors and not even acknoledging me as I made my towards them. I waved slightly as Sam looked in my direction but it's like he couldn't see me.

"They can't see you." I turn and Castiel is standing behind, arms at his side as he stares at me nonchalant.

"What is this?" I wonder, looking at him. He doesn't respond, just stares at me. I open my mouth to ask again what was going on when Sam spoke behind me. I turn and looks at his beat expression.

"Are we actually going to tell Crowley what we know about purgatory?" Sam asks Dean. Dean stares ahead of himself blankly.

"I don't know."

"He's going to be here any second Dean, we should think of something fast." Sam says. "I don't think we should risk a lie. Her life is at stake and if he knows that it's a lie he'll-"

"I know but we can't risk him setting everything that's trapped in purgatory out. I promise you, I won't let him touch her." Dean assures Sam at last, ending the conversation. Sam looks away, thought bubbles seemed to seek from his ear.

It was all interrupted in a gush of wind and a friendly but sinister, "Hello Boys.". Sam and Dean look to Crowley who stands happily before them. "How are the Winchesters today?"

"Cut the crap Crowley." Sam tells him. "Where is Scarlett?"

"It's funny, you didn't care this much about her awhile ago...Did moose get his soul back?" Crowley asks Sam. More talk that confused me greatly. Sam lost his soul?

"Yes, I did." Sam responds. "Hand her over and we'll tell you everything we know about purgatory."

"I think not, you give me the information and I'll hand over the girl." Crowley says.

"Who's to say you won't hold up your end?" Dean asks.

"Who's to say you won't hold up yours?" Crowley responds. Dean's expression was unchanging from his cold glare. Crowley stares for a moment before sighing annoyed. "Bring her out!" He yells and around the corner I appeared in the hands of two large men (possessed by demons). They threw me down in front Crowley, my body was feeble, skinny and I looked week as I stayed on my knees. My hands were bound in front of me and I looked up to the boys with the most broken eyes.

"You didn't say you were torturing her!" Dean yells at Crowley, angry with my appearance.

"So I left out a few little details, it is this or nothing." Crowley responds heartlessly as he takes me by the hair, pulling me onto my feet. I was gasping, my eyes squinted closed as my head was pulled back. "Now speak, what have you found out."

"It's not the blood of a virgin that you need!" Dean spits out. "It's the blood of a vampire!" Crowley didn't look pleased as he stared down Dean. "I swear, just please, let her go."

"Why don't I believe him moose?" Crowley asks Sam who grew even more anxious.

"I don't know, what he's saying is the truth, so you should." Sam almost stammers as he stares at Crowley. "Please, we just want Scarlett back." I watch as Crowley releases me.

"Go." He tells me. I looked back at him but quickly made a run for Sam and Dean, just to be grabbed again. "Sorry boys." In one swift motion a knife is pulled out.

"He's got a knife!" I scream to myself and Sam and Dean but they don't hear me. "Guys!" I scream again, louder and more frantic. I run towards them just to watch Crowley use it to stab me once, twice, three times in the chest before I go limp in his arms and he drops me, disappearing.

"No!" Sam yells running to my barely moving body. I was frozen in time, shocked and unsure of what to do. Sam pulls me into him arms as tears dribble down his cheek. "Keep your eyes on me." He tells me, his chin quivering as he looks at the wounds, his hand dripping with blood. I watch my eyes as they begin to roll into the back of my head. "Scar!" Sam cries. "Look at me, come on, please." He begins to plead when they finally close. My head slumps in his arms and he looked mortified as he looked at me.

"Take me out of here." I tell Castiel, turning to meet his sorry face. "Castiel."

"No," He tells me, turning me back around to face the horror of Sam crying over my body and Dean cussing into the phone. In a second, Sam jumps.

"Dean," He stands up, "we can save her! Her heart is still beating!" He lifts me up into his arm and lays me across the backseat of the impala. Dean runs to the driver side, starting the ignition and driving off as fast as the car would go. I turn to Castiel confused.

"I thought I died!" I yell at him. He puts his fingers to my forehead again and we were standing in the middle of a hospital corridor. Down the hall came a gurney with myself laid on top of it. A paramedic was on top of me giving me CPR as the doctors surrounding him pushed me into emergency surgery. I watched hesitantly, wanting to follow before seeing Sam and Dean as the end of the hall way.

They stood side by side, not moving nor talking, just standing there totally gob smacked. One of the nurses took them both by the shoulder, leading them into the waiting room. I followed and watched the boys attentivly before I was tapped of the shoulder. Castiel stood behind me and motioned for me to follow. He walked down the halls and to the area where I was rushed only a few moments earlier. I was lid on the operating table as doctors worked away at my wound.

"Her left lung is collapsing!" One yelled, and the heart rate monitor dropped. I was now at 40 bps. They worked harder but the 40 soon dropped to 30 which dropped to 20 and from 20 to 0. My eyes watered as I stood watching them try to revive me. The charged the defibrillator before a nurse called, "Clear!" And they were pressed to my chest. My back arched but the 0 didn't change. "Charging...Clear!" Again, electricity coursed threw me. Again there was nothing. "Charging-"

"No, call time of death." The doctor orders, pulling the mask away from his face and walking from the room. I followed closely behind as he made his way to the waiting room where Sam and Dean awaited the news. As they doctor came into their sights he just gently shook his head, putting a hand on Sam's shoulder. Sam nodded once as the doctor walked away. Dean watched his expression, waiting for him to break.

"Sam," He whispered. Sam looked at Dean, tears spilling from his eyes before Dean pulled him into a hug. "I'm so sorry." he tells him so quietly that I can barely hear it. I walked towards them before Castiel took my arm.

"It's time to go." He tells me. I take another good look at Sam and Dean, both holding onto each other as the news of my death takes the toll on both brothers. Dean's eyes water as Sam holds onto him tightly.

"I know Sammy," He says. "I know." I look away, the sight of it pained my heart as I looked at Castiel who almost looked sympathetic.

"Let's go."


	4. Come Out of Your Hole MsCotton Tail (3)

It was all blank. I didn't have a rational thought running threw my clouded mind as I was thrown back into the time warp and landed safely in the motel room.

"Scar?" I jumped, Sam and Dean were both standing by the table when I had whipped myself around to catch sight of them.

"I saw it." I blurt out watching them attentively before turning to look at the ground. "I watched Crowley kill me." A painful flash of images come flooding back and I could remember it threw my own eyes. The last thing I could remember was Sam and Dean. Their almost relieved faces before it was all taken back. "I felt the knife," My voice catches in the back of my throat as I look up to face them. Sam had a pitying and worn expression burned onto his face while Dean just stared at me, almost guilt written. I wiped my teary eyes, turning away from them. "sorry." I murmur, pushing stray red hairs out of my face.

"No Scarlett." I look to Dean who is walking towards me, past Sam. "Don't do that. Don't do that to yourself." He is standing right in front of me now, our gazes locked on each other. "We both know what you just saw. You saw what I did to you."

"Dean-"

"No Scarlett," He snaps. "I killed you. Me." He say to me, taking my shoulders. "Not Crowley, not some demon, it was me!" I raise my arms, taking his and pushing his own down.

"I saw Dean," I tell him. "I saw everything." I don't continue on but he looks at me, questioning.

"Well get angry or something. Tell me you hate me." He says. "Don't just act like it's OK because if you killed me, I'd be pretty pissed." He continues looking at me seriously but I couldn't conceal a giggle. A small smile breaks onto his lips but he tries to hide it. "Serious talk here, now. Come on." He takes my arm again, pulling me into a hug. I wrap my arms around his neck, returning the embrace. "Glad to have you back." He says to me. I let go of him, looking him in the eye.

"Glad to be back." I say to him, punching him playfully in the shoulder. He smiles but still had the same guilty eyes as he looked down on me. Finally, I looked past him and saw Sam staring at us with longing eyes.

"So how bad do you feel now?" Sam asks as I slowly made my way towards him.

"Whose to say I feel bad?" I ask him. He looks at me with his famous do-I-look-like-an-idiot look. I shrug. "Sam, I really do feel fine."

"You should know that the last time I heard that and the guy was telling the truth," Dean says from behind me. "he didn't have a soul." Sam's mouth twitches as he sighs heavily.

"I just wish you guys would quit asking me if I'm alright. I am honestly OK." I walk past Sam and for the washroom. "Now if you'll excuse me, I need to take a shower." I say, shutting the door behind me, locking it. I walked to the mirror, looking at my reflection which I was less than impressed with.

My hair wasn't in it's natural volume or whip straight fashion. It was wavy, slightly messy and fell longer than it ever has. I was more pale than usual and upon taking off my sweater I saw my collar bones were close to popping out of my skin along with the bones in my neck and basically every other bone in my body.

Finally sick of my reflection, I turn away and start my shower.

I wrapped the towel tightly around my body and noticed a bag full of fresh clothes placed on the bathroom floor by the door which I am asuming Sam had brought in earlier while I was in the shower. Fishing threw it, I found my old clothes. Stuff I had worn what felt like hundreds of years ago. A few pairs of ripped jeans, a couple plaid shirts, t-shirts, leggings and some dress clothes. I easily decided on the concert t-shirt I got when Dean, Sam and I went to see Kiss in Ohio with a pair of gray leggings.

After I had dressed, I towel dried my hair then pulled it into a clean braid before exiting the washroom. They both were lid down on the bed, sleeping more than soundly as the TV blaired. I walked over to it, turning it off. Dean rolled over, fluffling the pillow slightly before falling right back to sleep. Sam didn't budge. I scowered the room quickly for my keys before finding them on the table, snatching them up and darting outside.

The wind was cold, air damp and sky a tired gray. My beautiful red pick up called me forwards, pleaded for me. I went without question, igniting the engine and pulling out of the motel parking lot, taking off down the road.

After a half an hour, I pulled into a decent looking diner and walked inside being greeted by a more than familiar smiling face.

"Scarlett, my oh my! I haven't seen you in forever!" Mary Jay smiles cheekily at me, rushing over to pull me into a hug. She hurls her arms around my neck. Mary Jay has lived in Austin all her life, what she's doing in Florida is beyond me.

"Mary Jay, what are you doing here? What about your job? And your promotion?" I wonder, letting go of her as she takes my hand, leading me to a table.

"Honey, we need to talk." She tells me. "Let me go get your coffee." Mary Jay had a great job in real estate in Austin with her family when I straggled in on leads for a case. Her father killed a family in a drunk driving accident and the spirits were back, ready to take Mary Jay's family. Strongest avenging spirit case I have ever seen. It killed her husband and her father and was about to take the kids when I finally shot it down with rock salt and kept it away long enough to salt and burn the bones...of all 4 bodies.

In a few seconds, Mary Jay was hurrying back with two cups and pot of coffee. "Now," She settles herself down, untieing the elastic that held her blond hair back into a neat bun. "I couldn't live in that house where my husband was killed by that thing." She says, pouring up the coffee.

"No, I couldn't expect that of you. Why Florida?" I ask her.

"My mom lives here. I am staying with her until I can get a good job to put us on our feet." She tells me. I nod, taking a sip of my coffee. "Keeping yourself busy?" I lay my coffee down and sigh heavily, shrugging. "Oh I don't like that."

"I uh," I didn't know how to tell her anything so I just looked up and smiled as sincere as I could. "real busy."

"Got yourself a man yet?" She wonders. I laugh a little bit. "Don't laugh! Girl like you shouldn't have any trouble with that."

"I can barely hold down a meal," I say, still chuckling. "let alone a relationship."

"My word I knew you were too skinny! You like sickly! Come stay with me, get out of that motel room find some peace. I'll take care of you my dear." She says seriously, topping off my cup with coffee again. "We might even get a night on the town if you're up for it."

"I hate to turn you down Mary Jay, I really do, but I'm looking into some cases." I say which wasn't a complete lie. "I was hoping to rob you of a newspaper and a cup or two of coffee." She stands, wiping her apron down.

"Newpaper coming right up. But we have some catching up to do." She tells me, shaking a finger in my direction before turning and walking back to the front. I laughed again, how she made me laugh. Suddenly, my phone was ringing. I fished it out of my handbag to see Sam's name flash across the screen. I flipped it open.

"Yes?" I ask.

"Scarlett? Where are you?" Sam snaps. I look around. Where was I?

"A diner," I say. "half an hour away. Why?" I ask, downing another bit of coffee.

"Well you kinda took off. I woke up and you were gone, sorry for worrying." He says sarcastically before breaking into coughs.

"Hey, are you OK?" I ask but my only response was Sam's continuos coughing. "Sam?"

"I'm fine," He chokes. "fine, just uh...I'll be there in a second." The line goes dead and I stare at the phone, questioning.

"So, what exactly are you in town for?" Mary Jay comes up behind me. I take a deep breath in, looking to her as she lays the newspaper in front of me.

"It's, uh, quite a long story actually." I chuckle. "One for another time." I tell her, opening up the paper. "Tell me, how are Lily and Benjamin?" I wonder, skimming over column after column.

"Benjamin is leaving soon." Mary Jay tells me. I look up to her and realize the sad expression on her face. "He wants to move back to Texas, so he is."

"Don't like the idea very much?"

"He's only eighteen!" She says, harshly but whispering. "What if, I don't know, another ghost comes. He won't know how to protect himself!"

"I know lots of great hunters living in Austin, you won't have to worry about that." I tell her. "Ben is a strong kid anyway, Mary Jay." I say, setting down the paper and looking to her. "He saved you and your daughter when your house burnt down. Carried you both out on his back."

"I know, but he's still just a kid." She tells me.

"I understand your worry, but have a little faith in the kid." I respond. She sighs, her head dropping as if she were relaxing her neck. "Your forgetting I think, I was eighteen when I saved your family."

"Mary Jay! Back to work!" Some one calls from the back of the room. Her head props up and she stands, taking the elastic from around her wrist and tieing her hair back on top of her head.

"It's been too long kid," She says, putting a hand on my shoulder. "don't be a stranger."

"I won't." I assure her as she smiles lightly before turning and walking to the front of the diner. I take up the newspaper again, looking at the obituary for odd deaths cause I know I wouldn't get away with it under Sam and Dean's radar.

I see a woman, smiling brightly and the name underneath Cornelia McCrae. Upon reading further on I realized it was probably my type of thing.

She was 22, her fiance found her in pieces in their apartment. No signs of forced entry.

I take up my coffee again, sipping from it before the chair across from me is pulled out. Sam plops down, staring at me.

"That was fast," I say, laying down the cup and returning the stare. He doesn't say anything. "how fast were you going?"

"Why did you leave?" He asks me, grinding his teeth in an un impressed manor. I shrug.

"I was peckish," I say, about to fold the newspaper up before Sam snatches it from me.

"Uh huh," He says, flipping it around. "that's why you were reading the obituary." I sigh heavily, knowing I was caught red handed. I stand laying ten dollars on the table.

"Alright, you caught me." I say. "But now you have to 'fess up." I tell him. He looks up at me, confused. "Are you sick or something? You're a lot more pale then I remember, and the coughing." He rolls his eyes about ready to speak when I cut him off again. "Actually, you sound kind of hoarse now to mention it." I turned on my heels, walking slowly towards the door. I hear the clatter of Sam jumping to his feet behind me.

"Scarlett, we need to talk." Sam comes up from behind me, speed walking to my side. "There are some things we haven't told you that you should know."

"Oh really? More surprises?" I ask, getting to the door and pushing it open.

"Seriously, can you stop for a second?" He asks, pushing himself out the open door and standing in front of me. I stop, giving him an expecting look. "Crowley escaped."

"What?" I choke, my palms became sweaty, heart pounding faster and my mind was clouded. I wouldn't let fear over run me again. I looked away from Sam, my legs started shaking but I shrugged it off. "When?"

"Last night, I think. Castiel said he had him, but Crowley had the upper hand."

"Alright," I say. "Uh, any apocalypses I should know about?" He laughs, rubbing the back of his neck.

"Well, we have the word of God. And a prophet." Same says. I tilt my head, a brow raised and I was more than confused. "We are going to shut the gates of hell."

"So let me get this straight." I say, Sam, Dean and Castiel all stood around me, awaiting my take on the situation. "There's a rock,"

"A tablet." Castiel corrects me. I nod once.

"Right, a tablet with weird writing on it which is supposedly the word of God which only one guy can read,"

"The prophet." Sam says. "Kevin."

"Okay, So Kevin the prophet is the only guy who can read the word of God which is written on a tablet and it tell's how to close the gates of hell. You do so by doing trials?" I sum everything up that the boys had just explained to me. "I don't understand the term 'trial' though."

"Basically they are tests and once Sam complete's the other 2 the gates of hell close." Dean says to me. I open my mouth to ask but I'm cut off by further explanation. "The first one was bathe in the blood of a hellhound." I cringe, looking at Sam who has the same look of disgust on his face.

"And the other two?" I wonder.

"They are being translated." Sam tells me. I nod.

"So is that what's making you so sick?" I wonder. His face goes ashen as the words leave my mouth and he adjusts himself uncomfortably.

"Your sick?" Dean asks.

"You didn't know?" Castiel and I interject in unison. Dean looks to us then back to Sam who shrugs.

"I'm not sick, really." He says. "Just a little, unadjusted to the whole trials."

"Yeah, right." Dean says, unconvinced in the slightest.

"Seriously guys. I uh, I just feel a little bit underneath the weather. Nothing to serious. Like, I wasn't in hell for 4 years or so." Sam turns to me and so do the boys.

"Not this again." I complain.

"Scarlett, we really need to sit down and talk about what's next for you." Sam says. I tilt my head, confused.

"What do you mean what's next? I'm not a sitcom, I-"

"Scarlett." Dean stops me. I turn to him. "You were in hell for 4 years."

"Really?" I ask sarcastically. He bites his lip to hold in any...colorful words.

"Scarlett, You watched yourself die. You were put in constant torture for 4 years. You aren't OK." Dean tells me. "We know that they used our faces to torture you. You were jumpy for what? Half a day?"

"Well you know what I realized? I can't hide in some hole." I say. "I can't keep letting fear over run me. It's there, all the time, but it's not going to run my life. I am. I'm doing the best I can to convince myself that I'm not afraid anymore but it's starting with you guys. I have to convince you guys as well."

"Scarlett, we want to believe you, but-"

"But what?"

"But they can't. You're lying." Castiel speaks up. I look at him, inquisitioning. "You may not realize it, but your mind has been tampered with."


	5. My Hope in Pieces (4)

"This is so unnecessary." I say, pulling at the restraints. "I have a soul, I would feel a little empty without one, don't you think?" I watch Dean stand from watching me, making sure I wouldn't some how squirm out of the chair that I was tied to.

"Sam didn't." Dean says. "Whatever it is that is wrong, we need to get to the bottom of it." He says, looking out the window, awaiting the return of Sam and Castiel.

"Why are you so hung up on proving I'm not right? I feel completely fine." I tell him. He looks back to me.

"That's exactly it." He responds, walking away from the window and towards me. "You should be a shaking, unstable, drooling mess if things were right." I roll my eyes, trying to make myself comfortable but being tied up in the same room as Dean would forever be uncomfortable. "Honest hour, how much of hell do you remember?"

"What?"

"You obviously don't remember it all because if you did, I assure you that you wouldn't have forgotten being killed." We stare at each other for a long moment before the door opens, Sam and Castiel walk in and right towards me. Sam stops about 6, 7 feet away but Castiel comes right up to me.

"So what is it that you are going to do?" I ask. "You know, to confirm that I in fact have a soul?" Castiel stares at me for a second before he pulls his coat sleeve up and starts with the other sleeves. I look to Sam and Dean. "Guys?" I ask, a small ounce of anxiety sets in as Sam steps forward, a wash cloth rolled up in his hands.

"You may want to bite down on this." He tells me. My eyes widen but I take a deep breath, opening my mouth a little bit as he places it between my teeth. I swallow as he steps back, and without warning, I'm punctured.

My mouth hung open but nothing would escape as deeper and deeper the pain went until my whole body was on fire. The towel fell and there wasn't pain in one certain area but in my whole body. My mind went blank and I couldn't even hear my own screams. I knew they were escaping by how raw my throat was becoming.

Suddenly, it was over. I could barely breathe. I couldn't hear anything. My vision was beginning to fail as well until Sam had cupped my face in his hands. He raised my head because my neck was to weak to do it on it's own. His mouth was moving but it took awhile to register in my head.

Finally, my body was numb which was relief. With the numbness came audio and now I could hear the frantic voices of Sam and Dean.

"Scar, come on, look at me." He says before he drops his hands and my head slumps. "What happened?" He was snapping at Dean as he pulled the rope from my limbs and torso.

"Cas is out." Dean says. "That's not supposed to happen, something is off."

"You think?" Sam was getting more furious as the seconds ticked away, pulling harder and my franticly at my restraints until I was free and falling into his shoulder. Sam caught me, picking me up bridal style before lying me down on the bed.

"Help me get Cas up!" Dean calls for Sam. He runs from my side and I can hear the struggle before Castiel's coughing. I couldn't turn my head or move my eyes to see the ordeal that was playing out before me. All I could do was listen which was getting hard to do as well.

"Cas!" Sam exclaims.

"Cas, buddy, are you alright?" Dean asks him. I can hear a small moan of pain from Castiel before his struggle with,

"Yes, I'm alright."

"What happened?" Dean wonders and in an instance pain was recirculating within me. My breathing got very heavy heavy and fast as the pain got worse and less bearable.

"Sam," I whimper before I can feel a stray tear roll down my cheek. Everything got so loud suddenly and I couldn't listen to Castiel's response. "Sam." I say again but he couldn't hear me. Now little things like creeks in the floor seemed to be magnified 100 times. My head was pulsing with almost as much pain that seemed to be filling ever space of my body, slowly but surely. I was at my breaking point. "Sam!" I call, my voice trembling and breaking.

Before he had the chance to get to my side I screaming again, loud and glass shattering. I felt a hand on my own and I was squeezing so hard I thought the bone would break underneath my grip. Castiel came into my blurred sight and two fingers were venturing towards more forehead before darkness engulfed me in a blanket of warmth.

"I don't understand it either." It was Dean. I opened my eyes and I was on top of the blankets and my skin felt bare. "All I can say for sure is Cas knows that she isn't right in some way or another. When they connected something inside her cracked and he was thrown back with strength that didn't come from Scarlett." There was another pause from Dean. "She was in a lot of pain. Cas and Sam left to look for some answers...No, Cas knocked her out. She's burning up with a fever though...Alright, call me if you find anything." I struggle to turn my head and see Dean sitting at the table. He was wearing the same thing I remember him wearing. Although now he looked tired, stressed, upset even. I look back to the ceiling, staring for a moment before my mouth opens and I struggle words.

"There really is something wrong with me." I mutter. I can hear Dean push the chair out and make his way towards me, sitting on the side of the bed. "I think a part of me knew that it was to good to be true, you know? Like, the rescue happened to quickly. I felt too good. I didn't want to question it though because I knew once questions started rising that things would start going wrong." I turned to look at him and he was looking at me. I sat up, competing against the strain.

"I can't tell you that we will fix things because I don't know if we can." He tells me honestly, looking me in the eyes. I knew that even Dean couldn't fill me with false hope at this point. I could have killed Castiel. I could have killed his angel. "What I can say is that we're going to try and put up a good damn fight." I try to smile but my body had a sickening ache all over. My muscles cried, my head was even worse.

"Could you give me a once over on what happened?" I ask him after a moment of silence. He looks to me and inhales deeply.

"You were, in a lot of pain. Sam was the same way when Castiel had to make sure he had a soul." Dean tells me. I nod, awaiting for him to continue. "Something went wrong. Castiel, could see your soul...he wouldn't tell us exactly but he took Sam to talk to a friend of his."

"Well that explains everything." I say sarcastically.

"I don't understand it either, but you are burning up with a fever." I watch his hand venture towards my forehead and rests it there for a moment. "I guess it passed." He says, lowering his hand. I turn to the clock. 10:00. It was just after 4 when Dean began restraining me. I think about what he had asked me, earlier. What I remembered about hell.

"I want to be honest with you." I tell him. "I don't remember a lot from hell. I think I may have repressed memories but, I can't be sure." I can feel his curious stare and I tried to continue, staring deeply at the floor as if it would offer answers. "I remember a lot of Sam. He was the worse, by far. I was really convinced it was you guys and hoped that maybe you would snap out of it and help me escape or stop beating me..." I swallow and Dean puts a hand on my knee. I look up to him.

"We don't have to do this." He tells.

"No, we do. I need to think, what do I remember? I frankly don't think I remember a lot. There are a lot of blank spots. I remember, sometimes I would loose so much blood I would pass out, but I, I'm just confused. Nothing seems real, I just," I was begining to stammer because I couldn't continue. I didn't know how. I looked up at Dean and he was staring at me with a guilty look. He was trying to size me up, trying to figure out something to say...but he just stared at me sadly. "I don't know how to do this, Dean I don't." My body was going to break down in a moment but I couldn't stop there. "I don't know how to keep fighting. I don't know how to keep pushing. I don't know how to talk to Sam. I-I just don't know what to do with myself." My eyes began to water but I threw my hand over my eyes before breaking into sobs.

"You don't have to hide yourself from me." He tells me. I shake my head, my hand still covering my eyes.

"No, I do." I say threw cries. "My mouth can't explain how broken I am, but my eyes can. I don't want you to see that." I feel his sturdy grip on my wrist, pushing my hand away and grabbing me, pulling me into a hug. I wrap my arms around him and the tears come on harder.

"Listen," He tells me. "we'll fix things, we'll figure it out. I promise."

Sam and Castiel came back to the motel the following morning. I was awake and watched them creep in because that whole night I didn't sleep. At one point I remember drifting off but it only took one memory of hell to keep me up for the rest of the night. I watched re runs of 'Two and a Half Men' for most of the night while Dean passed out on Sam's bed.

When they walked threw the door I didn't know what to say. The three of us exchanged uncomfortable looks until Sam walked over pulling me into an embrace.

"I'm so glad you're OK." He whispered as he held me.

Now I'm sitting in the back of the impala, Sam and Castiel in the front, Dean behind us in my truck because I wasn't well enough to drive apparently. To be honest, the silence between us didn't really bother was what they weren't telling me that made my skin crawl and my mind reel with questions. I couldn't ask anything because I was afraid.

I didn't ask where they were taking me.

I didn't ask what they had found out.

I didn't even ask how Castiel was doing.

I was overwhelmed and afraid of everything.

It took 3 hours of silence before sleep decided I was worthy enough of it's presence and the blackness that is dormancy engulfed me.

I opened my eyes but was swept into rounds of confusion. I wasn't in the impala. I wasn't in a motel room.

I was home. I was sitting on the couch in my living room.

I looked around quickly, looking for someone or something to explain what I was doing here.

"You're awake." Crowley. I looked to the doorway that led to the corridor which was across from the couch that I was sitting on. He stepped forward and I recoiled into the couch. "I'm not going to hurt you." He says simply.

"Oh yeah, I'm definitely going to fall for that one." I say, putting up a brave front that really didn't exist. "What are we doing here? Where are the guys?"

"So many questions that really aren't very relevant." Crowley responds, walking to the recliner which was across from the couch. The only thing standing between us was a small wooden coffee table that didn't raise higher then my knees. "Well, you see, I summoned you." I scoff, rolling my eyes.

"You summoned me?" I ask, very doubt full and close to positive that it was a lie. "More like kidnapped me." I murmur.

"Would you like me to prove it?" He wonders. I cross my arms.

"Please do."

"Just so you know what you're getting yourself into, when you come back into consciousness you will be holding a knife and standing in front of quite a mess. Would you like me to record this?" He slides a phone out of his coat pocket but before I could speak up or resist, I became dizzy.

I struggled to stand but the last thing I remember was falling. I'm not even sure if I hit the ground or not.

I awoke in a different atmosphere. A different setting. A different pain.

I was cold, winds were blowing against me hard and I felt a little wet to be honest. I looked around and I was on my knees in a parking lot, I looked down at my clothes and they were coated in a mortifying red. In front of me, dead bodies. At least 15 were sprawled out on the pavement in front of me and in my hand I held a knife covered in blood. I dropped the knife, falling onto my tail bone and backing away as fast as I could move until I bumped into the legs of a solid figure. I threw myself forward, turning to face Crowley.

He was so nonchalant compared to my panic stricken figure which trembled underneath his shadow. "I control you my dear Scarlett." I was getting feather brained as I tried to make sense of it all. Had I just struck down all these civilians? "This was me proving my point. We'll be in touch."

I was alone now. I couldn't turn and face the bodies of those I had just slaughtered without even realizing it...

They all had mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, friends, enemies and lovers. I had just stole them out of the only life they were given to live. I did it. Not Crowley, it was me. With my two hands I used that knife to end their lives and tear the life out of them.

I took out my phone with my bloody hands and saw the numerous missed calls and texts from Sam and Dean. I pressed Sam's contact and struggled to lift it to my head. I waited anxiously, cold still sending goosebumps up my bare arms. I try to calm myself before Sam answered so not to worry him. If he answered. I took deep breaths until,

"Scarlett?"

"Sam," I broke into sobs at the sound of his voice. I don't know if it was because I was relieved or that I was finally breaking. "I need you." I managed but was soon crying again.

"Scarlett, listen, where are you?" Sam asked. I couldn't look around, I could only stare at my blood covered legs and shirt and watch my body tremor.

"I don't know," I say and try to say something more, but my throat hurt and breathing came harder.

And then, a hand grabbed my shoulder. I shrieked, dropping the phone and covering my head with hands. I didn't want to fight anymore. Actually, I don't know if I could even if I wanted to. I was emotionally and physically drained. I was confused and I didn't know if I had sanity left.

"Scarlett," Castiel. I turned and he was looking down on me.

I must have been a mess. Hair falling over my face, my shirt was tattered and blood soaked and my skin was died a malevolent red. I was shaking and couldn't stop.

"I don't," My eyes slowly wandered back to the scenery I had painted in front of us. I couldn't even explain what had happened. I could only mutter an "Oh God," before crying once again. Castiel took my forearm and pulled me from the ground and before I could blink, I was standing in a new motel room.

Sam and Dean both jumped and made their way towards me.

"Don't." I say sternly. They stopped in their tracks, looking at me in question. "Don't come any closer to me." I wanted to wipe my tears but I felt as though I didn't have the strength.

"Scar, what's going on?" Dean asks me, his voice was much more intimidating then mine when he was being strict like this. I didn't know how to explain it. I didn't know how to explain to him that Crowley had me wrapped around his finger and was controlling me like a remote control car. I couldn't explain to him that I was Crowley's bitch. "Scar!" Dean's impatient yell made me jump and tears come on heavier.

"I don't know!" I scream distressed. "I don't know what's happening to me!" I yell throwing my arms up and letting them drop at my side. I took a few deep breaths, calming myself before looking back to him. "Crowley did something to me down there," I begin, holding back tears as if my eye lids were a damn. "he fooled around with my memories and he know's how to control me." They looked at me for a moment, almost confused. "With a snap of his fingers, I willingly killed 15 people." I say to them all. Dean looks down at the ground with almost a look of disgust mixed with pity and disappointment. And Sam? All he could do was stare. "They were just people...How could I do that?" My nose stings and I look at the ground hoping maybe I would be shown answers to my ongoing list of problems that constantly grew.

Hell wasn't the only thing I saw anymore that was a tormenting memory.

I saw the faces of those people and they would forever be burned into my mind.

"You're possessed." My head pained, my heart hurt and my lungs felt like 500 pounds were sitting on top of them as I looked to Castiel, confused with his statement, and suddenly,

"Bingo!"


	6. Break Your Bonds or Reform them? (5)

"Hey boys, what's shaking?" I couldn't control the words coming out of my mouth but I could see my reflection. My eyes were black.

I jumped inside myself but whoever or whatever was controlling my body had no intention of handing it back over.

"Get out of her! Now!" Dean yells.

"I always liked it when you were bossy." I said. "Seriously, it turns me on." I cringed. What was I saying? To my left, I could hear Sam chanting an exorcism incantation. "You seriously think that's going to work?" I asked him. He didn't stall or stutter, just continued flat out and determined. "I'll let you try it anyway." When he had finished, there was no sign of this demon even being bothered by it. Everyone was shocked. "You done?" I threw my hand up. Sam went flying, hitting the window and breaking threw onto the other side. I gasped but couldn't stop myself. Dean and Castiel were armed now, ready to fight me off.

"Come on, hit me with your best shot." Dean taunted. I raised a brow as Dean charged towards me, throwing punches that I was dodging easily until I was stabbed with a demon blade, right in wrist. I heard myself squeal and boy was the pain real.

"Dean, Stop it!" Sam yelled. I snapped to the door and he had already made his recovery. He stood in the doorway, leaning against the pane. I looked back to Dean who was at this time distracted with Sam's outburst and threw him back. His back crushed the drywall and I was manicly laughing. I was scaring myself and now, Castiel was up to bat.

I easily disarmed him and stuck him with his own angel blade. I shuddered on the inside, but most certainly not on the out. I looked and Sam was basically the only one left. Please no. I begged but Sam was starting towards me.

"Scarlett, I know you're in their." He said and I began laughing. He knew I was inside the shell that had been took over and now? Now he was trying to get me back.

"You're cute. No wonder she likes you so much."

"You can fight it, Scar." As he said it, my hands were on his shirt collar and he thrown against the wall. I held him there, taking a blade from my back pocket and holding against his neck. My head throbbed and my limbs ached...but most of all, it was my heart. That hurt the most.

"She has so much left to tell you guys. About hell." I was running the blade up Sam's neck and he was pulling away as best he could. Finally, I dropped him and turned in the other direction. Castiel was holding his side and breathing heavily. "Even if she doesn't remember it, I do. I'll admit though, she has a lot of blank spots." I spun again and Sam was staring me down. I was panicking now, trying to take control of my body once more as I watch Sam's vision shift to the left.

"Sam, don't just stand there!" Dean's voice was hoarse but stern. He looked at me, torn. I struggled with what was left to do. I've never been possessed let alone over come a possession. Suddenly, I watched him draw his pocket knife and venture towards me.

In that moment I was flashing in and out of reality. From hell to present time.

I thought it looked familiar, now I know why.

I kept being sucked into memories of ruthless torture. Sam manically torturing me. Enjoying every second, indulging in my pain.

And suddenly, I could feel everything. I could see everything clearly. I was back.

"Stop!" I scream as he raises it above me. "Sammy, stop it! I'm back under control!" I protest, backing away from him until I hit the wall. He doesn't stop and my heart is pounding. I look around frantically and he just continues closer, a regretful look on his face.

"I want you to know," I begin, hands trembling. "if I can't get her out, I love you. I always have and always will." He stopped for a moment, lowering his guard. "I love you Sam Winchester."

"Aw, that's tragic." I was locked back inside again. Hopes failed and Sam grew more angry then ever. "Duty calls. I'm sure we'll be in touch." With a wink my head was thrown up and like claws running up my throat the demon finally exits my body.

I was light headed fast and immediately collapsed on the ground. I leaned against the wall and Sam rushed to me. I waved my hand towards Dean and Castiel.

"Go to them. I'm OK, I'm OK." I told him. I think I only said it because I needed self reassurance that I was in fact alright. He cups my face with his hand before standing and rushing to Dean and Castiel who were both in a heap next to each other.

I had to look away. I couldn't look at the state they were in with my conscious this guilty. I couldn't stand the thought that I hurt all those people including Sam, Dean and Castiel.

"Sam dammit I'm alright!" Dean curses from my left. "Cas is the one who needs help. Go grab some holy water out of the car."

I watched Sam run out the door and could hear Dean struggle to lift Castiel onto the bed.

"I'm OK Dean, she didn't take that much out of me." Castiel says but all I could feel was overwhelming guilt. I was drowning in it...was this how Dean felt? Or is this worse?

I watch Sam come back into the room with a bucket of holy water, rushing to where Casitel was and helped Dean cleaned his wounds.

It was over an hour later that Sam came over to me, kneeling down and putting out a hand to help me up. I looked at it for a moment before shaking my head a few times.

"No." I tell him.

"Scarlett, you can't stay like this all night." Sam tells me. I look up to him, my face a sour expression as our eyes met.

"Why not?" I ask Sam honestly. "Shouldn't you be locking me up by now? Yelling at me? Poking me with a stick?" He doesn't try to stop me. He just looks at me upset with my response. "How could I let this happen?" I question. "I could have stopped myself if only-"

"You can't win all your battles, especially if you're fighting them alone." Sam tells me. "Remember that." I looked away from him to see Dean and Castiel sitting side by side on the bed. They were looking threw John's journal and it was like Dean could sense I was looking. He glanced up for a second, smiling lightly before looking back down. I look back to Sam and he puts his hand out again.

"Please come to bed." He asks of me desperately. I take his hand tightly and he hauls me onto my feet. I was sore all over and every limb and muscle yelped as I stood. I gripped his hand and bent over a little, trying to suck it up...but it was so hard. "Hey, hey Scar, are you-"

"I'm fine," I say sharply. "I'm just sore." I straighten myself up and let go of his hand. "I'm OK." He didn't wipe the worried look off his face and to be honest, I was worried as well. What if Crowley took control, gave me orders...what would happen? The demon is gone, would I still lash out?

I sat on the bed watching Sam try and set up a DVD for us to watch. "I almost got it." He murmurs, but I knew he didn't. He said the same thing 5 minutes ago. I sigh and swing my legs off the bed.

"I'll run down to Dean's motel." I tell him, slipping on my shoes. His head snaps to the door and fear impacts his face.

"No, Scar, that's alright." He responds, standing. I sigh, taking a pen off the table and drawing an anti possession symbol on the palm of my hand.

"No demon's are coming in." I tell him. He didn't look any less worried. "Do you want to watch me walk down? Would that make you feel better?" He opens the door and he actually insisted on watching me get to Dean's room. This made me feel even more helpless then before but I guess it was neccessary.

I put my hand on the door handle and I could hear yelling and shouting from within the room. With my ear up against the door and I can hear Dean shouting about something. I open the door and I catch my name in their conversation. Pushing it open further I watch as Dean throws his hand across the bereau. A lamp, papers and pop fly in my direction. The lamp hits the wall 4 inches away from my face. My head zips from the wall to Dean in a second and he's faced with immediate regret, his mouth drops.

"I'm so sorry." He mutters. My eyes look back to the wall slightly. I look back, my lips pressed into a thin line and nod once.

"Um, never mind." I respond, wanting to get out of there as soon as possible. I came to a quick conclusion that with his outburst, my name in his yelling and the throwing of things that it had something or everything to do with me.

"Scarlett, I'm sorry, I-"

"Dean is brave." Castiel cuts him off, mid sentence. "But he still fears what he does not know." Dean's jaw snaps shut and Dean dips his head. I stare for a moment before turning slightly to the doorway.

"I uh, I'll go." I say and begin to turn when Castiel stops me.

"Wasn't there a reason for you to come?"

I turn and nod. "Right," I say. "Sam is having trouble setting up the DVD player so I came to get your help." Dean looks at Castiel for a moment before nodding.

"I'll be there in a minute." He tells me. I nod and open the door, stepping outside and walking swiftly down to the motel room. I open the door and Sam is in his previous position, continuing with his strugle to set up the DVD player. He looks up to me and watches me walk in.

"Hey, what did Dean say?" Sam wonders as I plop myself down on the bed.

"He'll be here soon." I tell Sam. He nods, looking back down at the DVD player.

"I swear, I used to know how to use this thing." Sam murmurs, looking at all the cables. Before I could say anything, the door swung open and Dean stood in the doorway.

"Did someone call the cable repair man?" Dean asks. I couldn't conceal a small giggle as he walked over and sat down next to Sam. "Let's take a look."

I found it amazing how fast Dean could change his mood and hide his feelings. Normally for the sake of others.

I've seen him do it enough times in our line of work and it never failed to perplex me.

I watched them both turn on and off the TV, make sure the DVD player was plugged into the wall and make sure there was nothing wrong with the wires. I got off the bed and crept over, peering over their shoulders.

"Shouldn't that red wire go there?" I ask them. They look up to me and back down at the box. Sam picks up the wire and plugs it in. The main menu of the DVD player flashed on the screen. Again, they looked back up to me.

"Well, we have been showed." Dean stands. "Good job kiddo." He smiles sincerely. I smile back.

"Thanks." I say and Dean nods to Sam before leaving us.

I watch Sam go to his book bag and root threw it for a moment before a smile spreads onto his face and he laughs out loud.

"What is it?" I ask him. He just continues to laugh until he looks at me. He presses his lips together and clears his throat.

"You don't happen to have a DVD, do you?" He asks me. My eyes brows broaden and I close my eyes. My head bows and I laugh heartily at our foolish mistake. I look to Sam when we both had finally stopped but that just made me laugh more.

Once our rounds of giggles and chuckles had stopped we both sat on the ground at the foot of the bed, our backs leaning against it.

"We always laughed at the stupidest things." I say after a moment, looking to him.

"Well, there usually isn't much to laugh at." He says honestly.

"Point taken." I respond. I stared at the wall for a moment, just relaxing before I looked back to Sam. "Are you afraid?" I wonder curiously. His smile begins to fade from his face and his eyes do not meet mine.

"I'm not going to lie to you." He tells me, still facing the wall. "I am petrified. I'm worried about you, Scarlett." I take a deep breath in and nod.

"I know." I respond. "I'm sorry to make you worry. I wish none of this was happening." I say and turn away from him because my eyes began to sting with tedious tears. I blinked them away vigorously and turned back to Sam, giving a (very) fake smile.

"Can I ask you something?" He says after moments of silence.

"Anything." I respond.

"We aren't together anymore, are we?" He asks. I bite my lip and my shoulders go up.

"I'm not sure...are we?" I say looking into his eyes.

"I want to be." He tells me. I nod.

"I want to be as well." I agree. "But would that be best? I mean, I'm a time bomb on wheels, Sam." I respond.

"Don't say that." He tells me. "Scar, in sickness and in health, I promise to stand by you."

"No offense Sammy but this isn't cancer. We don't know how to deal with what this is. Whatever this is." I respond sadly.

"Scar, I don't care. I want to be with you. You want to be with me to. Isn't that all that matters?" He says and I think for a moment.

Thinking about it, I knew from the moment I stood in that parking lot surrounded with the bodies of the people I had slaughtered that I was doomed to death or constant torture. I get that.

Sam? He doesn't seem to understand the danger.

Crowley could simply say to me, 'Scarlett, kill them' and I would do it.

No questions except if I would remember it or not.

So do I say yes...or no?

Yes and I would be spending the rest of my (short) life with my love doing couple things again. Of course this would mean reforming the bond we once shared we would do anything and everything to protect each other.

Yes would mean putting Sam in more danger then before.

No would mean disappointment and mouth fulls of regret. Uncomfortable atmosphere's between us and we can't get into complications right now. There's already to much going on.

But no would mean keeping him safe.


	7. Happily Ever After In Charlie's House(6)

I awoke that next morning stiff. Sitting up, I stretch out and then look to Sam...but he's gone. My eyes scan the whole room and he is no where to be seen.

"Sam?" I ask, looking around again. I throw my covers and step onto the floor. I walk to the door and open it up, looking up and down for the impala. It's gone.

My next move was to go see Dean. I haul a sweater on to shield myself from the bitter cold that was creeping in around my bare legs and get to Dean's motel...but he's gone.

"Dean?" I call. No reply. My heart pounded against my ribs and breathing was hard as I was on the verge of breaking into panic. "Castiel!" I look around, but nothing. I go back to my room and pull out my phone, dialing Sam's number. No answer. I got to my pillow case and haul the gun out of it then go to the door again, walking to the check in desk.

"Hi," I say to the woman who looks like she had on of the worst nights of her lives. She looks at me expectingly as I continue. "did two or three guys leave here in an old chevy impala earlier this morning?" I ask her.

"What's it to you?" She asks. Rude.

"Well, I'm here on a trip with them, but I woke up this morning and they were gone." I tell her. She shrugs.

"I don't know what I saw. Maybe I did, maybe I didn't." She tells me. God dammit, I hated bribing people. I fished a ten out of my bra and laid it on the desk. "They left about a half an hour ago. One of 'em said something about getting breakfast." She says, putting the money into her pocket.

"Thanks." I mutter, turning away just to bang into a hard chest. I step back, trying to compose myself. "I'm sorry." I look up and I'm met with vibrant gold eyes and blond hair. Charming to say at the least. And me? I had major bed head, shorts and a baggy sweater on.

"It's alright, I didn't catch you until I walked in. Completely my fault." He responds. I then took notice on what he was dressed in. A black winter/fall jacket, dark jeans and a baby blue sweater underneath. "Charlie." He puts out a hand and it was then that I realized I hadn't spoke.

"Scarlett." I respond, shaking it.

"O'hara?" He wonders. I tilt my head, surprised and a little confused. "Come with me." He says, pushing open the door and holding it open for me to exit. I don't move. I mean, I didn't know this dude. Well, I guess I did, but not long enough for him to have earned my trust. I bumped into him and he introduced himself, I'm not going with him.

"I don't know you." I say. He nods once.

"Yes, but Sam and Dean had called for me. I think we should talk." He responds. Sam and Dean? I was still more then confused but I lead him straight to the motel room...where we were met with Sam and Dean.

"Scarlett!" Dean says at my appearance. "Where did you go?"

"Where did you guys go?" I ask, more snappy then I meant. "I woke up and you were gone. That was pretty freaky with everything going on, just saying. Would it have killed you to leave a note?" I threw my sweater onto the chair and heard the door close behind me. Right, Charlie.

"Charlie?" Dean asks in disbelief. Sam and I make brief eye contact before I turn away and watch Charlie smile curtly.

"Hello Dean." He says. Dean walks straight for him and they both share a brotherly hug. "Get over here, Sam." Charlie tells Sam and holds his arms open for Sam. Sam does and I look to Castiel who is standing, watching the two.

"Charlie, how are you? I haven't heard from you in forever." Sam tells him.

"I'm fine Sam. I thought you gave up on hunting." Charlie responds. Sam shrugs.

"You're either dead or you're a hunter." Sam says, giving a weak half smile.

"So, I've met your pretty one." Charlie nods his head towards me and I was flattered to say at the least. I look to Sam and Dean for their response.

"Yeah." Dean replies. "We should eat first, then talk."

After the food was gone I excused myself to the washroom where I changed. My hair was wavy which I would deal with for the day. I pulled skinny jeans on and a white, orange and green plaid shirt on over my tank top. I looked at myself in the mirror for a moment.

I wasn't happy with how I looked, yet I can't remember being confident about my appearance.

I just wished my green eyes would come back and that some colour would brush up on my skin instead of the white complexion I was stuck with that made me look sickly on top of the weight I had lost.

There's no use dwelling on that. I just had to get better. That was what I had to focus on.

I opened the door to Sam, Dean and Charlie sitting around the table, Castiel stood a couple feet away. Charlie has taken off his jacket and the boys attention drew to me as I walked out.

"So, why did you call for him?" I wonder, taking a seat. "Is it because of me?" I didn't bother looking to Sam for an explanation and stared at Dean.

"Yeah, it's because of you." Dean says flatly. I nod trying to be understanding.

"So what are you going to do, Charlie?" I ask him.

"What Dean described, I've never heard of it before...Castiel was practically exiled out of your body." Charlie states. I nod ever so slightly and wait for him to continue as I stared into his enchanting gold eyes. "You have a soul, that much is obvious. Dean updated me, on your possession. You killed 15 people."

That brought me back to my distraught state and bodies of children and adult, painted with glorious red onto a black pavement. A street light was the only light that showed me what I had done.

"I did." I say painfully.

"But you don't remember?" Charlie asks me. I shake my head.

"I remember falling asleep in the impala and waking up in the living room of my house. The one I grew up in...Crowley was there." I say to him. He nods and his silence was my cue to continue. "He told me that he summoned me and to prove that he controlled me, he told me to kill those people...and I did. Then Castiel found me and brought me back where it turned out that I was possessed and I tried to hurt Sam, Dean and Castiel. The demon finally left my body and I just couldn't believe it. I still can't believe it." I tell him. "I showered when I got back to the motel room and I just thought about...I didn't bat an eye."

"You couldn't possibly have overcame the exorcism if it were Crowley who put the demon inside of you. He would have made sure of that." Charlie tells me. I nod.

"But she did." Sam speaks up. I don't look at him and instead stare at the ground. "It was only for a second, but she stopped it from killing me."

"Barely." I murmur.

"But you did." Sam says. I look to him for only a second before looking back to Charlie.

"So what? What do I do?" I ask him.

"We need to get you to my house. I should be able to help you." Charlie tells me. I look to Dean and Sam who are shocked.

"Seriously?" Dean asks him.

"Have I let you down before?" Charlie responds.

"There are first times for everything." Sam says as I look to him. He makes eye contact with me and for some reason, I feel as though it wasn't directed to Charlie. I take a deep breath and look Charlie.

"I think you can do it." I say to him.

"I appreciate your trust in me." Charlie responds. "We should get on the road soon." He tells Dean who nods. "I have to pick up some things while I'm in town, can we leave around 2:00?" I took a look at the wall clock. 11:47. I looked to Dean who was nodding.

"Sounds good." He tells him and with that said, Charlie stood, giving a wave before leaving us. "I'll go pack up." Dean tells us. I nod and my eyes follow him until he gets to the door. "Coming Cas?"

I turn and watch Castiel follow him out the door, leaving Sam and I uncomfortably. I stand without looking to him and begin to gather my things.

I throw my clean clothes into my duffle bag and put the rest into a plastic bag, making my way to the door before turning.

"I'm going to run to the laundromat." I say. Sam looks up and nods once, pushing his clothes into his bag. "Do you need anything washed?" I wonder.

"No, thank you." He responds, not looking at me. I sigh and take my keys then shove my hand gun in the back of my pants, opening and closing the door. I get to my truck, unlocking it and throwing myself into the drivers seat. I ignite the engine and pull out.

It was really quiet though. All by myself. The air was cold, the sky was dark and it was foggy. It made me sad and so I put the radio on to take my mind off it.

"Next is Yellowcard with Empty Apartment on top hits 94.7!" A cheery male tells all the listeners that he had no idea were actually listening or not. I turn it up a little and watched the scenery around me as I drove down the very empty roads. Hardly any cars passed and when I got to the laundromat it was completely empty.

I took my dirty clothes and shoved them in a washer, inserting a dollar fifty in quarters. I sat on a bench, taking up a magazine and waiting. I had taken up a hunting magazine without realizing it and the vests and plaid and guns made me think of Bobby and how he taught me my way around a gun. I smile at the memory and then recollect seeing him in hell. It was only once, but it was the worse...knowing he was dead and in hell and all.

I took up another magazine and waited until there was a ding signaling I could now dry my clothes. I took out the wet clothes and placed them in a dryer, then placed another dollar fifty and waited for another while.

"What are the driving arrangements?" Charlie wonders.

"Cas and I can take Scar's truck and Scar can go with Sam in the impala." Dean suggests.

"I can take my truck." I say. "Castiel and I will take the truck." Dean looks at Charlie worried before my sigh makes them rip from each other's gaze. "I'm fine Dean." I tell him.

"Alright. Cas, you good with that?" He asks. Castiel nods.

"It's settled then. Come on Castiel." I tell him and walk towards the truck, opening the door and sitting inside. Castiel opens the passenger door and sits down beside me. I roll down the window and call out to Charlie. "How long is the drive?" I ask him.

"4 hours or so. No that bad. You'll follow behind me and the boys will follow behind you." He responds from his '68 dodge charger.

"Gotcha." I respond, rolling up my window and waiting for him to pull out and following.

"I must ask you," I hear Castiel from the passenger seat.

"Shoot." I tell him.

"Shoot what?" He wonders seriously. "I don't have a gun." I laugh to myself lightly.

"I mean go ahead." I explain. He nods in understanding.

"What is it that is going on between you and Sam?" He asks me. I turn to him, looking at him for a moment.

"What do you mean?" I respond yet I knew exactly what he meant. I just wanted to give him an innocent act.

"There's a rising tension between you both." He noticed. "You're angry with him. Or is he angry with you?"

"I'm not sure to be honest, Castiel." I reply. "It's complicated."

"I'm sure it is not." He says.

"Yeah, I guess you're right. It's not." I tell him honestly. "There was something we used to have...a bond." I explain. "I just don't think it is worth trying to dig that up again." I take a left, following Charlie.

"I think that's bull shit." I look at Castiel, surprised and kind of weirded out to be honest. Castiel doesn't say stuff like that. I look back to the road but have to look at him again to make sure that Castiel was in fact sitting next to me. I laugh a little.

"So, Castiel, what about you and Dean?" I ask, trying to change the subject.

"What about me and Dean?" He responds.

"Come on, Castiel. What's going on between you two?" I wonder trying to mess with him.

"Dean is my friend." Castiel tells me. I nod once.

"Is that all he is?" I ask him, smiling but trying to hide it. I loved fooling with Castiel, it confused him and made me happy. Suddenly, after not seeing a house for ages on this dirt road, a big white house surrounded by trees and land came into sight and I watched Charlie's car pull into it. "I guess we are here." I say, pulling into the drive way. I look to Castiel who look's mortified and confused. I laugh slapping my hand onto his shoulder. "I was just screwing with you Castiel." I tell him, swinging open the door and stepping out.

I walk a few steps and noticed the door hadn't opened or closed.

"Come on Castiel!" I call.

"I'm here." I jump and notice him to my left. I exhale deeply, staring at him.

"Are doors to mainstream for you?" I ask. He looks, again, completely confused. I roll my eyes and continue walking to meet Charlie and I hear the impala pull in.

"Does the house meet your standards?" He wonders. It looked even more beautiful standing here then it did when I was pulling in and I was in complete awe.

"It's perfect, Charlie." I admire it.

"Nice place." I hear Dean and turn to watch him approach it with Sam at his side. I turn again and look at the flower arrangements along the walkway and the shed to the side.

"The flowers are beautiful." I say.

"They are. My niece did them for me." Charlie says and motions for Dean and Sam to come over. "Come on boys, it's time for the tour."

I had settled myself down in the library of Charlie's home come 11:00 that night and was catching up on my reading. I had been here for the last 2 hours at least. Once we had eaten and I had helped cleared the dishes away.

Dean put on a football game and Sam joined him. Castiel wondered off somewhere explaining he had somethings to take care of and Charlie was busy in his study. I had less then no interest in football and bothering Charlie would be a crime so I took the time to read.

I always loved reading. Of course I never had time for it because when I wasn't hunting I was eating or sleeping, the essentials.

I guess it was good that I could finish a book in a few hours considering.

"Scar?" I look up and Sam is standing there. I lay the book in my lap. "I can go,"

"No, that's alright." I respond, ripping off a piece of napkin I was using as a coaster for my cup of brandy and placing it in the book alike a book mark. Sam came in and sat in the chair across from mine, the only thing between us was a circular coffee table.

"Dean wanted me to check up on you." Sam says. I nod.

"Well, I'm fine." I tell him. He nods once, staring at the coffee table before pushing himself out of the chair.

"Alright then." He replies and turns to leave.

"Wait, Sam." I say, feeling guilty about how rude I was being. He turns around. "How are you?" I ask. It felt necessary to ask considering he looked sickly and with the trials and all.

"I'm fine." He tells me.

"OK." I say quietly and there was another uncomfortable silence.

I wish I knew what to say in times like these but I was always left speechless. My mind jumbled with words that I could say that my tongue won't let slip because I was always to afraid. Afraid of what the other side of the conversation will think. If they'll hate me for it, disregard it or comply.

But this...these were the worse times. It causes an unwanted reaction, like this.

Sam turned again and walked away. Every step he took made me want to follow. I knew of course this would be foolish and I just let him walk out...although maybe that wasn't what I should have done.

I sat there for a good half an hour, resting my tired head in my hands so that I could give my neck a break. I rested my eye lids and took deep breaths.

"Scarlett?" I hear from the doorway. I sit up alarmed to see Dean watching me. "Are you alright?"

"Y-Yeah, I'm fine." I stammer, laying down my book and taking my half drank glass of brandy into my hands. "I'm a little tired though. I'll see you tomorrow." I walk past him, head down until I got to my bedroom (which was a few doors down from Sam and Dean's). I locked myself in and sat on my bed, taking a last swig before cuddling myself in but not sleeping a wink that whole night.


	8. We Need to Talk About Hell (7)

I was lying on my back when footsteps trotted up and down the hallway at least 3 times. I stayed completely still before there was a loud knock on my door. I sat up and hauled the comforter off the bed with me as I walked hesitantly to the door. My nearly bare skin was wrapped in the warmth of the blanket as I creaked it open.

"Hey," Dean smiles as I peered my head around the door, hiding the rest of my body. "we made breakfast." I nod once. "Do you want any?" He asks.

"I'll be down in a minute," I say threw a husky voice.

"Did you get any sleep last night?" He wonders, examining what he could see. I shake my head. "You don't have to come down, it was just a suggestion, you know, if you were hungry."

"I'll be down in a minute." I repeat and close the door. I walk away from the door and throw myself onto the bed, taking a deep breath. I finally get the strength to sit up and get dressed. I haul on a pair of black leggings and a baggy sweater that the boys got me last year for Christmas. It was black and had a white silhouette of a bird on the sleeve. It was my favourite.

I opened the door and walked sluggishly down the hall. It was chilly and pretty dark. Outside, it was foggy and a dark shade of blue. On top of that, patters of rain. It made me feel sluggish and empty.

I walked into the kitchen to see Sam and Dean seated at a nice table, Charlie was serving breakfast.

"Good morning sleeping beauty," Charlie smiles, walking in front of me to get to Dean's place, laying a plate in front of him. On the table was basically every breakfast food that came to mind; pancakes, waffles, bacon, eggs, English muffins, toast, the whole works.

"Morning." I murmur through a tired voice and sit next to Dean. I push a lock of bed head out of my face and to my surprise, I wasn't hungry at all. Actually, I was still abnormally tired.

"Hey," I hear Sam's voice from across the table. I try to focus on him but my vision begins to falter. "Scar, are you OK?" I grab the edge of the table before I feel Dean's hand on my back and with that, I'm falling for the floor.

I opened myself up to reality and peeked out my eye lids. I still couldn't quite see straight but I came to awareness of how much my body hurt. I looked to my left and Sam was staring at me, saying something. I hadn't quite checked into my hearing yet and everything was struggle. And I couldn't breath. I gasped but oxygen wouldn't be in taken.

Finally, I could hear, "Scarlett you need to breath!" And with the last gasp I had in me, I could finally draw a breath. My body slumped against the bed I was lying in and I was panting. With dreary eyes I saw Charlie leaning over me. "Scarlett," He said concerned.

"What's up," I say weakly and I could hear the boys scoff. Charlie chuckles and relaxes. I took in my surroundings and I was back in the bedroom that Charlie had given me.

"You took quite a spill." He informs me.

"I figured, you know, cause I'm not scarfing down any pancakes." He laughs again and takes my hand, helping me sit up. I look around at the boys, all concerned but trying their best to hide it. "I'm sorry, I worried you guys."

"Don't apologize," Dean strictly replies. "you can't control that."

"Yeah," I say in a defeating sigh.

"Scarlett, I've come to a conclusion. About your being ill, weak, the possessions." Charlie tells me seriously. "It took a lot of research and a lot more experimenting, but I get what's going on."

"Please, don't hold back." I respond anxiously.

"And you didn't tell us?" Dean snaps at Charlie.

"Dean," Sam scolds.

"I just wanted to let you all know at the same time." Charlie responds. Dean nods once and then keeps his lips pressed into a thin line. Charlie pulls a chair towards my bed and takes a seat, looking at me with a cramped look pressed onto his face.

"I can handle whatever you throw my way." I assure him. "I'm gonna be OK." I sell to them all, but I felt weak. Drained. It was like everything the boys and I had worked for up to this point was gone. Without a trace. I had lost it all, and I was losing myself along with it.

I was a legacy.

I wasn't supposed to live to this day.

I was supposed to be the story Sam told his kids about, the story of how he saved the world but didn't get the girl, and that it doesn't always work out that way.

I should have died when Crowley had done it.

Now, in this moment, I wish I had.

"In the blood test that I had conducted yesterday," He reminds me. "I found demon blood." I feel the glare of them all, but I don't dare return it. I stare blankly at Charlie.

"I, I didn't-"

"No, I know." Charlie cuts me off. "It was pre-administered, prior to you recovering her from Hell. My conclusion put in the simplest way possible: she was Crowley's experiment. He was planning on using her as a weapon and erasing her memories of it. That plan succeeded. She very nearly took you boys out." Charlie tells me seriously.

"Hey, take an easy," Dean warns him. "it's not her fault."

"That's not what I'm saying at all." Charlie replies genuinely. "What I am saying is that, she is a danger. To us, and to herself. What Crowley did to her, no, what they did to her, she's part demon."

My face felt heated. My eyes burned.

I blinked furiously and kept trying to find something to stare at. Something to offer me a resoulution. That wasn't going to happen.

"So what are you going to do?" I ask him dreadfully. My voice weak. I look at Charlie sadly. "Kill me?"

"Scarlett," He says pitiful.

"If you don't, some other hunter will. We know that, don't we Sam?" I look to Sam and he looked guilty as hell. I shake my head and looked up at the ceiling trying to shake the feeling of hopelessness and the burning in my eyes.

"This isn't the same thing." Dean tells me.

"Isn't it though?" I reply, looking at Dean. "Once they find out I'm a threat, they are going to come by the dozens."

"They'll understand."

"No, they won't. I killed 15-"

"Scarlett you didn't-"

"innocent people! There were kids!" I snap spitting venom in my words. "There were little boys and girls no higher then my waist...there bodies were battered and bloodied and I did that. I'm a monster!"

"Scarlett you're not a monster!" Dean fights with me.

"Oh! That's right! I'm a weapon! Isn't that what you said? A weapon?" I look to Charlie who is staring at me sadly. I look away and throw the covers off of me.

Charlie stands, trying to help me but I push him away and walk bare footed up to Dean. I look up to him and we share a long stare.

"Look into my eyes." I demand. He does. "They are black. Not green. I knew that was a sign, when Castiel tried to fix me. When he checked for a soul." I look down at my feet. "When I told you, that first time, that I was perfectly fine...I knew I wasn't. I was as far from fine as it gets."

"Charlie's going to help you." Dean assures me. I look away from him but he takes my face, turning it towards him again. "You will be able to say I'm fine, and mean it."

"And if he can't fix me, you boys have to promise me something." I tell him, looking to Sam now as well. he was standing and nods for me to continue. "You'll kill me."

"No," Sam says immediately. I look to him.

"It's not up for debate." I reply.

"You're right, because we aren't going to kill you because we have to fight for you." Sam tells me. I shake my head.

"No, Sam. If you don't, another hunter will." I say strictly. "Or another demon."

"Why are you so eager to give up on, Scar?" Dean asks me. "My dad told me that if I couldn't save Sam, that I would have to kill him. Don't you say that exact same thing to me." His eyes glistened with tears. "I won't do that. I would never do that." He mutters before pulling me into a hug. "You're family. You, me, Sam, Cas and even Kevin. Family doesn't end with blood." He lets go of me and I nod.

"Bobby said that to you?"

"Yeah." Dean nods.

"Scarlett," Charlie says and I turn, casting my attention to him. "I've got a treatment plan. We'll start this evening. Get some rest." He tells me and opens the door, walking out of the room. I look back up to Dean and he nods.

"You need the rest." He complies, putting a hand on my shoulder before walking past me and out the door. I turn and Sam and I were left alone. And once he left, I would be completely alone. The empty room beckoning and taunting. I would be left with my thoughts and my taunting memories.

Our gazes lock before he tries to make his escape out of the bedroom just for me to stop him.

"Sam," I say as he gets to the doorway. He looks back to me, exactingly. "uhm, do you...do you wanna stay?" I wonder curiously. He ponders the idea for only a second before nodding.

"I would like that."

The next 3 days went as followed; Charlie's treatment, spending time with Sam and Dean, reading and a whole lot of sleeping. Charlie was doing a lot of extracting blood and other DNA samples while trying to work the demon blood out of my body. It was passing, slowly but surely. I felt it. Every growing day I was weaker, more exhausted. I took 2 hour naps at least twice a day. I was always falling asleep. I can't run. I can't really do much.

I try to make dinner but even that proves to be a struggle...and the boys see it, they see it very clearly. Despite all of this, I felt...better. I didn't feel so helpless...I didn't feel so dejected.

"Scarlett?" There's a knock on my bedroom door. I look up from my book as the door creeks open and Charlie is standing there. "How are you feeling?" He asks me.

"Good." I tell him honestly. "Tired, but good." He smiles.

"Can we talk? In the kitchen?" He asks. I set my book down and nod.

"Of course." I reply, throwing the covers off my legs and walking towards the door. He walks in front of me and down the corridor, past the living area and into the kitchen. Sam and Dean were standing in the kitchen, looking like they had a stick up their ass.

"We need to talk." Dean tells me. I glance over to Charlie then back to Dean, nodding.

"Sure." I agree, leaning against the wall. "What about?"

"Kevin called us." Sam spits out. "He's got the translation of the second trial."

"Well that's great." I say, straightening up. "Right?"

"We have to leave immediately." Dean tells me.

"OK, what's the problem?"

"Scar, we aren't going to leave you." Sam replies. I shrug.

"Of course you are. Guys, closing the gates of hell is a whole lot more important then simply, 'being there for me'. You can't just wait things out here. It's only a matter of time before the demons come knocking. You have bigger priorities. I'm OK. Charlie is great, he's going to take good care of me." The boys look at each other worry stricken.

"If it's any consolation, I'm not going to often let her out of my sight." Charlie tells them. "Closing the gates of hell is big, boys. It's going to un-complicate a lot of stuff." n

"But we can't abandon her," Sam objects.

"I'm not thinking of it like that, Sam. Just come back when you can." I tell him. He still had a worried look ironed onto his face when Dean breaks the silence.

"Let's start packing." he decides. Sam shoots a look but Dean was already turned and walking for his room.

I had a blanket draped over my shoulders to keep myself a little warm (it was abnormally cold out today). Sam and Dean were putting their bags in the trunk, organizing it all so it was easily accessible. I watched sadly and Charlie stood next to me.

"Feeling down?" He asks. I nod.

"I know what has to be done though." I respond. "I'm proud."

"You're not the only one. John, Mary, Bobby, all of them were so proud of you three." Charlie tells me. He was between 10 and 20 years old and boy was he wise. He wasn't old like Bobby, only in his early forties maybe...but he had so much knowledge. It was incredible.

"We didn't do much,"

"Yeah, I suppose you are right. You only saved the world,"

"That was Sam,"

"That was all of you, and Castiel too." He responds and I stay quiet now, just continuing to watch the boys.

Sam closes the trunk and they both turn towards me. They looked sad if anything. Sam reluctant as I recall the earlier fight he had with Dean about leaving. I had stood outside his door and listened to the whole thing. He really didn't want to leave me...and he seemed convinced I could die if he left. Possible yes. Not something I wanted to think about even though less then a week ago I thought that was my only way out. Of course, who is to say it isn't?

"We'll hit the road then," Dean tells us, "we should get back to Kevin in a couple days. We'll be doing check ups on you two. Might even send Cas over a couple times." I nod.

"Of course." I reply. "Now give me a hug you brute." He smile, wrapping his arms around my upper back. We stayed in each others embrace for a few seconds before he let go and looked to Charlie.

"Take care of her for us." He says sternly. Charlie nods.

"I will." He assures him. Dean bows his head and steps out of Sam's way, giving him the spotlight.

"Be carefull," Sam says, "and please don't get hurt. I'm going to be back as soon as I can get back."

"OK,"

"OK,"

We are quiet for a minute before he pulls me into a big hug. I wrap my arms around my neck and I'm barely touching the ground. My toes touch but Sam is very nearly lifting me into his warm arms. I sigh after a moment and let go.

"Be safe,"

"OK,"

With that, I walked to the impala with the boys. Dean sat in the drivers side and Sam took passenger. As soon as he was seated he rolled the window down.

"I'll miss you." He states sadly, looking down at the ground. I bend down a little so we are face to face and do the unthinkable.

The thing I promised myself I wouldn't do.

Yeah, I kissed him.

So it was only a peck? I still did it. I knew I couldn't hold back for long and I don't know if this was a good thing or a bad thing.

"Bye Sam. Bye Dean."

"Bye Scar,"

"Bye Scarlett,"

After their farewells, Sam looks forward and I step away from the impala a few feet, enough for Dean to pull out.

And he did.

And I worried that that was the last time I would ever see him.


End file.
